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February 2014

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dethklok meta, rambling like a mofo

It's remarkable how consistent we are

She’s got my timeline damn near exactly, just on the high end of my ranges on everything from ages to how long Dethklok's been around.

For comparison, because I need comparisons or I can't see connections, characters' current ages:

My numbers: 24-26
Her numbers: 26

My numbers: 38-40
Her numbers: 41

My numbers: 30-35
Her numbers: 35

My numbers: 28-30
Her numbers: 34

My numbers: 43-45
Her numbers: 36

My numbers: 10-15 years
Her numbers: 15 years

Honestly, I readily copped to not knowing what to do with Nathan's and Murderface's ages, so it's not really that surprising she's got a more justified peg on them than I do. To be fair to me though, she's done her "research", whereas I’m going on pure speculation and intuition for everything. I’m completely willing to go with her numbers for these two; I have no real investment in them, either way.

But I’m doing research now, oh yes. Two can play at this retarded game.

The biggest throttle she runs into is the release date for Dethalbum which she might've made up, cos I know nothing about one way or another. (The only info I’ve got is "a number of years ago" from the title card of that one episode where they show Dethklok getting signed.) This puts a concrete point in her timeline which pushes her back for the band the 5 years I’m missing.

Anyway, since she's got an actual timeline, I feel like I should reciprocate with a more definite timeline of my own, or at least more definite numbers.

Dethklok has been around for 11 years as of season 3. I choose 11 because I’d like to think that for their 10th anniversary they'd have a huge nightmare of a concert extravaganza - and we haven't seen that so it's either passed already or we're looking forwards to it.

We’ve had 3 seasons so far spanning 4 years, with a gap year in between series 2 and 3 (the 10th anniversary disaster could neatly slot into the gap year, notice). Given that I expect some sort of blowout at 10 years and my maximum number for how long they've been around is 15 years, we are either at 8-9 years or 11 years as of season 3. 8 years is cutting it a bit close; it would give them only 4 years (at the start of the series) to have known one another and maybe 2 years to have known Toki.

Push it up to 11 years and they've known each other for 7 years at the beginning of the series, 5 years for Toki, which is much more appropriate. That would give Dethklok 2 years to get signed and 5 years to hit Dethklok-mania - more than enough time to amass their trillions (remember, the Beatles took 5 years to hit Beatlemania, and Dethklok is 100x more popular than the Beatles).

Also, it is in my experience (lol "my experience", more like my Wikipedia trolling) that once bands start going on 15-20 years they start bridging multiple generations and the old fans always complain about how it's "not the band they knew" and all that, unless the band is designed to milk one generation til it dies. Dethklok has fans who are pre-teens to middle-ageish types, but I put their original fans at about their age between 30-40ish, cos that tends to be what tends to happen with bands (i.e. their original fans are about the same age as the band members). This makes sense for the original fans to have kids and to "raise them on a culture of metal" (Dethkids), and it also allows their tastes to have a sort of bleed-over effect on the people just a couple years younger than them.

Offdensen is puppet master behind Dethklok's existence. He’s the one who collected them all together. This is important because he's the one going around the world looking for them, and he makes all the executive decisions in the end. Not that the band knows that.

Nathan never finished high school, as we know, and the earliest he is legally allowed to drop out is 16. He does drop out in order to form his own band. He "pays his dues" for 3 years and he's 19 when he gets into Dethklok. I put him at 21 when Dethklok gets signed and so therefore he's 32 as of season 3.

Compulsory education is also til 16 in Sweden (yes I fuckin looked that up, fuck you). The way Skwisgaar thinks is much too simplistic to have done well in school, or to have encouraged him to stay in school much longer than the minimum, other than a brief, brief stint in "music school" (or maybe "music school" is like band camp, I don't know). He’s also a bit too arrogant to play in a band unless it's his band, or at least a band that lets him control all the music (he's like Noel Gallagher minus the lyrics, in my head).

Given that, I put him 17 when he finally gets into a shittier band than he would have probably got into if he'd just been a little less of an arrogant prick. They’d be about his age and still in school which means Skwisgaar would be all "pffft priorities", and they wouldn't have got on very well at all. It'd probably have been a vocalist driven effort for the most part, some kid with dreams of making it big on the indie scene as the voice of a generation but who's not exactly musically inclined. So he'd let Skwisgaar write all the music for him, which Skwisgaar rapidly gets bored of doing because fuck Swedish indie rock man, there's no shredding in Swedish indie rock. But he's in the music scene at least now, and it doesn't take too long for someone else to notice there's a kid in a shitty band who’s way better than the rest of his band. His next bands would've been with a bunch of older guys who are perfectly willing to ignore the kid who they don't exactly get along with but who plays really friggin well.

Skwisgaar climbs the music ladder with a reputation for being a bit of an ice bitch but whose skills speak loudly enough that he climbs higher and faster than he really ought to. He’s played at some pretty major venues by the time he's 20, though his bands only do opening sets for bigger bands, and he still needs to hold down a day job sometimes to pay the bills. His guitar gets broken at some point, which is when he starts busking under that bridge by the church where he meets Toki (elucidated elsewhere). He gets scooped up by Offdensen at this point, and he's the newest and last member of the original lineup. He’s 21 at this point, and he's 22 when Dethklok gets signed, so he's 33 as of season 3.

Pickles is by necessity at least 7-10 years older than Nathan/Skwisgaar who are contemporaries and who make-up the core of Dethklok's musical output. (Theirs is an amiably professional relationship though. They'd have to be, to jointly produce so much shit without getting up in each other's faces all the time. Their egos, by necessity, are dissimilar and inoffensive to one another). Pickles left home at 16 (Snakes n Barrels) but presumably finished school/got his GED at some point (there's a picture of teenaged!him in cap and gown, though, during Rehabklok, so maybe this has been retconned). Canon says he was signed onto a major label with S&B within months of leaving home (jesus, his hair grew out fast!). Given the attachment Pickles has for his first band (he doesn't even let Offdensen finish his sentence when he jumps up all OKAY LETS DO IT!!! when he mentions S&B might have a reunion tour), they were together for quite a while.

(He really does miss his old band. In one of the special features on the DVD he admits he gets sick of hanging out with Dethklok sometimes, and makes them leave the room. Poor Pickles. The lone semi-sane adult amongst a bunch of kids)

Chick up there gives S&B 8 years together, which I think makes sense chronologically, though canon implies that S&B was one of those flame-out bands that died before their potential was reached, so I’m inclined to take a few years off. Personally, I give them 5 years together, putting Pickles at 21 when his band breaks up. That leaves quite some time unaccounted for him though, because my semi-substantiated but largely WMG puts him at 38-40 at the end of season 3.

I’m missing 7 years from chick up there's timeline for Pickles (my Dethklok is hers minus 4, my S&B is hers minus 3) which I think makes much more sense than hers does. Pickles is the most versatile of everyone in Dethklok, capable of being lead vocals, backup vocals, lead guitarist, drummer, producer, technician (they send Pickles to fix the nuclear sub in Dethwater, ok? Cos he's the most technically minded of them! ....stfu, I'll draw conclusions where I want!), what have you. I think he takes those 7 years to learn all that, also to get his GED cos he needs to do actual work sometimes.

Offdensen collects a pretty laid-back Pickles as a potential lead vocalist cos he was a fan of S&B back in the day, and wants Pickles to fulfil their potential. That’s my reasoning behind it anyway. Hammerfist and Murderface can come in at any point here, really. I have no evidence one way or another. But because of his versatility, when Offdensen collections Nathan, Pickles picks up as lead guitarist with Hammerfist on drums and Skwisgaar on rhythm. (The Americans were assembled first, though. This is important to me)

Then when Hammerfist drops out for whatever reason, Pickles gets put on drums with Skwisgaar on lead guitar and new kid Toki on rhythm. So Pickles is 26 when he meets Offdensen, 28 at the time Dethklok is signed, and 39 in season 3.

Murderface is older than Pickles, implied in S&B when he's all "you're a good kid" to Pickles (oh god I really need to stop). Also the whole Fatherklok "Pickles wants Murderface to be his dad" thing doesn't make too much sense of Murderface is younger than Pickles. NO ONE BELIEVES ME, even though I’m right :(

Let’s go off that then. For him to accurately refer to Pickles as "kid", he's got to be at least 3-5 years older than Pickles (yeah, that number's pretty arbitrary, I admit it, but if you make him only 1-2 years older, you risk the "he's a good boy" tiff like between Kaiser Wilhelm and Czar Nicholas wow, did I really just go there). We don't get a whole lot of background information on Murderface (I don't think he's actually had an origins episode at all, not even a fake one like Nathan). What we can do is try to piece together how old he'd be considering the fact his grandmother is still alive to harass him.

Women in the US have a life expectancy of 80, so let's put her at about that (I say 78; almost dead but not quite). She'd would put her about 20 years older than Murderface's father, who would be 58 if he were still alive. His father would in turn be about 20 years older than Muderface, putting Murderface at 38 at the minimum. Since we need to take into account the whole "Pickles is younger than Murderface" thing though, we add 3-5 years to Murderface's age, putting him at 41-43 in season 3. That's about as close as I can get though. We are really at a dearth of information on Murderface.

Toki I’ve already explicated in detail, so there's that.

Oh jeez, what else. Oh here, have their guestimated heights:

Toki: 5'10"
Pickles: 5'8"
Skwisgaar: 6'3"
Nathan: 6'2"
Murderface: 6'

God I should be asleep.


ETA 2: They spell "sheriff" wrong on the cop car in Deathgov I am insane. Why am I doing this? I have homework